Hi there!
I’ve split this blog post into a series, otherwise it would be way too long to read. The rest will be coming out soon! Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter so you don’t miss out. I appreciate you — thank you x
– EL
Introduction
This summer was full-blown wedding season. I had two wedding invites – a rarity for me.
And the next thing you know, I’m spending every single weekend on the high street, hunting for a guest outfit right up until the wedding date. I was being painfully perfectionistic. I told myself I had to look “nice.” I did not want to feel underdressed. And most importantly, I did not want to feel like I didn’t matter. So the stakes were high. What I used to view as such a fun activity – going shopping – I managed to turn into a joy-sucking leech, like with many things where I place high expectations on them.
And well… with trying all these guest wedding outfits, you can’t help but think back to your own. I had two weddings. The first one was small and intimate. It was simple.
But then I made the mistake of having a second wedding event.
You see… my mother had an insecurity about not having the wedding with all of my extended relatives. And long story short – I’ll make a separate blog post about this – her insecurity became my insecurity. So I wanted another bigger “wedding.” The one that would prove that I mattered. I pictured being surrounded by people who loved me, being loved, and I thought I would live out that fantasy.
But what I did not expect was to be boycotted. By my parents and many other relatives. And this left me with the massive bill to pay at the end. A few people showed up, and the ones that did came, ate, and left.
And at the end of it all, there I was in a white dress, standing in the vast open field, tears streaming down my face. Completely alone.
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